4th of July Laffs & Quips

How Many States Can You Name?

Father William, an old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, “Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.”

What’s the difference between George Washington and a duck?

One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill.

What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?

Liberty.

What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?

The Battle of Bonkers Hill.

Why were the first Pennsylvania settlers like ants?

Because they lived in colonies.

What’s red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?

A revolutionary warthog!

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?

Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

Some Amusing, Funny and Thought Provoking Quotations of Benjamin Franklin [1705-1790]

In his Poor Richard’s Almanac, Franklin wrote many clever sayings which are still part of our cultural heritage today. 

• Remember that time is money.
• A penny saved is a penny earned.
• Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain and most fools do.
• Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
• Fish and visitors smell in three days.
• Genius without education is like silver in the mine.
• God helps them that help themselves.
• Haste makes waste.
• Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What’s a sundial in the shade?
• It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright.
• Little strokes fell great oaks.
• Never leave that till to-morrow which you can do to-day.
• Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
• Well done is better than well said.
• In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
• There never was a good war nor a bad peace.